How my cycle affects me.

I haven’t been feeling much recently

I think my cycle must have something to do with it. I remember times when I’m really feeling stuff like reeeaaally going through it and that’s where a lot of my creativity comes from, a need to express my emotions.

I recently found out about ovulation fatigue because I got so tired while I was working in the studio that I had to go home and I slept for 2 hours. Conked out. There was no reason that I should have been that tired so I started googling it and it all added up because when I checked my period app I was ovulating.

And now my energy and emotions are coming back. I have had a lot of emotions today. Up and down and up and down and flat. I think I like it like that though. I don’t want to be numb. Life has more meaning when I’m feeling everything.

I want to feel love like it’s coursing through my veins and moving my limbs. I want to feel it like an ocean inside me. I don’t want to try to feel it. Like it’s on my to do list for today. Feel love.

And life too. Life has so many layers, it keeps unpeeling like an onion everyday. An onion that gets bigger as each layer is shed. I want to notice every layer like the colours of a rainbow. Love and experience every layer. I don’t want them to slip by me. I don’t want to rush.

Feelings are beautiful. Being alone for longer periods of time has made me more in tune with what’s going on inside me. Sometimes when I’m with people, the feelings become a blur because I’m wrapped up in them, swept along with the wind. And when I’m alone I stop.

It’s hard because I don’t always know what to do with myself. I end up sitttng staring into space. All I want to do is nap. Just a timeout. But I know when I’m busy I feel better. To be walking somewhere with a purpose. On the way to clean the yoga studio. Or to the train station to go see will and the puppy. Or finishing work and cycling to the pub to see a friend. Those are the moments that I have to myself where I feel good. I have purpose, I’m in between 2 places and it’s okay that I’m on my own.

Today is Saturday and I was having a day off. I had the day on my own with no plans. I was excited for it but I ended up lying in the bed in the afternoon feeling lonely and sad even though it was really hot and sunny outside.

 

2 weeks later, I’m on my period like really on my period. I’ve had a very emotional couple weeks, finding emotions in everything. I miss them when they’re gone and they exhaust me when they’re here.

It’s so intense that it’s like this every month.

This one feels particularly bad, I can feel a little devil creature inside me poking me with its sharp nails and rocking round the insides my body. Just have to wait it out.

It’s actually come at a perfect time because I’m on my bank holiday holidays in the Lakes with my dad and bro. I was planning to do work but I’ve completely switched off and even though I’m in pain I feel relaxed because I’m not thinking about work. I’m just sitting round chatting and cooking and eating.

I have some good chats with them. They are both quite emotional people as well and both creative so I feel like we’re quite good at helping each other and figuring stuff out together.

We remembered this song that our Grandpa used to sing that goes ‘acentuate the positive, eliminate the negative and dont mess with Mr In Between, bom bom’ and we were analysing what it means. I think it’s actually a good one to think about for life, like celebrate the good things, dont focus too much on the bad things and don’t worry about all the things in the middle, let them be.

And we were thinking about what sort of person is Mr In Between?